Life can be good & pleasant & happy. It brings each of us its share of joy both small and great -- falling in love,graduating with honors or simply be a graduate, winning a promotion, learning a new skill, or being just a simple giver.
Yet, for all the good, & beautiful & joyous that life holds - & for all the efforts that we may put forth to look on the bright side--a certain vague sadness & indefinite fear constantly haunts us. Fear, because we are not safe. Fear for we may somewhat/somehow lose our most prized possessions or relationships. Sadness, because no matter how good life gets, we know we're dying...
Why does life have to be so short? We begin with high hopes, & bright dreams, with energy to drive. But all too soon & accelerating years cruelly assault/attack our body, our minds, & plans; stealing away much of what make life worth awhile. We've only just begun to live, it seems, when suddenly it is time to die.
Here where we live-the tears never stop, the hospitals are never empty, the jails are always crowded. The nations are never at peace. Here the daily news is of terrorism & bombing & scandal & divorce & starvation & child abuse & drug addiction & gang rape, & war & death. Here on earth our lives are filled with fear & pain & worry & heartbreak as we march our weary way to the grave.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Easing Back
How could anything good come from tearing a father away from his family & leaving them alone to provide for themselves?
Life, once filled with sunlight & promise, has been colored by loss to be all storm and shadow..and how can I cope up with a loss like that? Part of my history had suddenly disappeared. All I could do was to remember and be thankful for all the good traits he instilled in me--determination, a strong work ethic, and the will to excel. As I could honor him by taking care of my mother, as he had done for so many years..
Well, apparently, whatever strength I had drawn on the first few years after he passed away would surely be enough to carry me through now. Like a toddler who falls more than he stands, I'm falling myself upright in the aftermath of my pap's death.
During this period of time I think my personality started to really took shape and even though I had to be tough and strong, there was still a tenderhearted, very emotional, & sensitive heart that needed to express herself and in longing for her pap's presence from time to time...
First and foremost, I always wanted to be a good provider & a responsible daughter. Someone my mama knew she could depend on. And I think all of us share the same urge as a daughter/son.
Of course, we had no time to sit around thinking about our plight. Being in a situation like this, I felt like I was forced to grow up fast, and yes..it affects my social life.We were struggling so hard just to keep our heads above water...Money was tight, and everyone needs help now and again. I did my very best to keep up my end and luckily by God's grace and wisdom, I graduated with flying colors! A gift I wish I handed it personally to my father..
Standing in the truth that you really don't know how strong you are until your strength is truly tested. And as I face death with all its impact on my feelings and my way of life, the greatest part for sustaining me & bringing meaning to the apparently meaningless, is the ability to see life, not with the physical pre-occupations but in the light of New Testament revelation..
Life, once filled with sunlight & promise, has been colored by loss to be all storm and shadow..and how can I cope up with a loss like that? Part of my history had suddenly disappeared. All I could do was to remember and be thankful for all the good traits he instilled in me--determination, a strong work ethic, and the will to excel. As I could honor him by taking care of my mother, as he had done for so many years..
Well, apparently, whatever strength I had drawn on the first few years after he passed away would surely be enough to carry me through now. Like a toddler who falls more than he stands, I'm falling myself upright in the aftermath of my pap's death.
During this period of time I think my personality started to really took shape and even though I had to be tough and strong, there was still a tenderhearted, very emotional, & sensitive heart that needed to express herself and in longing for her pap's presence from time to time...
First and foremost, I always wanted to be a good provider & a responsible daughter. Someone my mama knew she could depend on. And I think all of us share the same urge as a daughter/son.
Of course, we had no time to sit around thinking about our plight. Being in a situation like this, I felt like I was forced to grow up fast, and yes..it affects my social life.We were struggling so hard just to keep our heads above water...Money was tight, and everyone needs help now and again. I did my very best to keep up my end and luckily by God's grace and wisdom, I graduated with flying colors! A gift I wish I handed it personally to my father..
Standing in the truth that you really don't know how strong you are until your strength is truly tested. And as I face death with all its impact on my feelings and my way of life, the greatest part for sustaining me & bringing meaning to the apparently meaningless, is the ability to see life, not with the physical pre-occupations but in the light of New Testament revelation..
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