How could anything good come from tearing a father away from his family & leaving them alone to provide for themselves?
Life, once filled with sunlight & promise, has been colored by loss to be all storm and shadow..and how can I cope up with a loss like that? Part of my history had suddenly disappeared. All I could do was to remember and be thankful for all the good traits he instilled in me--determination, a strong work ethic, and the will to excel. As I could honor him by taking care of my mother, as he had done for so many years..
Well, apparently, whatever strength I had drawn on the first few years after he passed away would surely be enough to carry me through now. Like a toddler who falls more than he stands, I'm falling myself upright in the aftermath of my pap's death.
During this period of time I think my personality started to really took shape and even though I had to be tough and strong, there was still a tenderhearted, very emotional, & sensitive heart that needed to express herself and in longing for her pap's presence from time to time...
First and foremost, I always wanted to be a good provider & a responsible daughter. Someone my mama knew she could depend on. And I think all of us share the same urge as a daughter/son.
Of course, we had no time to sit around thinking about our plight. Being in a situation like this, I felt like I was forced to grow up fast, and yes..it affects my social life.We were struggling so hard just to keep our heads above water...Money was tight, and everyone needs help now and again. I did my very best to keep up my end and luckily by God's grace and wisdom, I graduated with flying colors! A gift I wish I handed it personally to my father..
Standing in the truth that you really don't know how strong you are until your strength is truly tested. And as I face death with all its impact on my feelings and my way of life, the greatest part for sustaining me & bringing meaning to the apparently meaningless, is the ability to see life, not with the physical pre-occupations but in the light of New Testament revelation..
